As promised, here’s the second instalment of “The grumblings of a traveler” series. We thought the time was right for some more complaining and finger-pointing, so here are the 10 worst things about Bolivia according to The Spice of Life Travels!
BOLIVIA
Brace yourself Bolivia, we have already covered Peru and this time we have set our sights on you. Yes we love you and we have written a Top 10 about you, so that kind of gives us the right to have a little moan now, right? Don’t take it badly though, we just mean to offer some ideas for improving the whole experience for us gringos. If someone could forward this to president Evo Morales we would be grateful. Thanks in advance.
1. Menu trouble.
Any deviation from a printed menu will be greeted with absolute stupefaction, promptly followed by the waiter telling you that it is IMPOSSIBLE! A splash of milk in your espresso, absolutely not! A fruit smoothie without water, who do you think you are?! Orange juice and pineapple juice on the menu, can I have an orange and pineapple juice!? Heresy! Flexibility is not their strongest suit and we experienced this over and over, you either stick to the menu or you can go elsewhere. On more than one occasion restaurants and cafes prefered to lose our business rather than make the tiniest amendment to their sacred and immutable menus.
2. Showers.
Hot water isn’t always readily available in Bolivia. Introducing the scary electric showers that look like they might electrocute you at any second. Featuring exposed electric wires covered with a bit of tape if you are lucky. You might consider having a cold shower if you don’t fancy risking electrocution!
3. Grumpiness.
Pretty much as soon as we crossed the border from Peru, we noticed a change in attitude, everyone seemed to be pissed off! Even people who were meant to be in the service industry could come across as ambivalent or unhelpful, even when they stood to gain something from the transaction. Of course there were exceptions, but sometimes it felt like a struggle. It is not uncommon to go to a till in a shop and having to “disturb” the shop keeper who is busy texting on her phone. Also don’t expect people to tell you how much you owe them for whatever it is you are buying. You could stand there all day and no-one would say a word. Always ask how much it is unless you have a few hours to spare.
4. Corner shops are like little food prisons.
Shops in Bolivia seem to have an aversion to customers, they put up big metal bars to prevent you browsing around for what you want. Instead you must hope that the owner appears from snoozing in the back to serve you. Are they afraid that we might steal an apple or some fizzy pop? Or are these actually prisons allowing inmates to earn some cash by selling groceries? This can be a problem particularly for gringos trying to buy a toothbrush but, being unable to pick it up themselves, have to revert to miming or humiliating themselves by making up spanish words.
5. Health and safety.
Taxis and busses with no seatbelts, boats with no life-vests, tours in centuries old collapsing mines…the list could go on. Don’t go to Bolivia expecting western safety standards. On the other hand, they have plenty of good luck talismans, potions, dried up animals, and bizarre hybrid pagan-christian beliefs to compensate for the lack of safety legislation. We recommend two of the anti “malasuerte” talismans shown below, as well as the good-luck cologne to be applied generously on your face on a daily basis. Oh and don’t forget to hire an Andean “maestro” to perform a ceremony for Pachamama!
6. Bolivian food not easy to find.
Well, that’s not completely true, there is plenty of typical Bolivian food to be found in the streets and in local markets, but at your own risk (see Bolivian belly below). Those work great for locals who are accustomed to the somewhat less than stringent hygiene standards in food preparation, but for us gringos that is a recipe for disaster. In our experience, whereas international restaurants of all kinds are easy to find, if you want to try proper Bolivian dishes like mondongo or falso conejo (whatever that is) you need to head to pricier places, not exactly what backpackers and long time travelers need.
7. Public toilets.
First of all, make sure to start a public toilet fund before arriving to Bolivia as they all charge for entry (you will get a couple of toilet paper sheets if you are lucky though!). Does anyone remember the film “Trainspotting” when Mark is forced to use the “worst toilet in Scotland” to relieve himself? Well, that’s pretty much what most Bolivian public toilets look like. Some won’t have doors, all don’t have seat and a greater than normal amount don’t have a working flushing system. They “solve” this problem by keeping huge buckets of water outside the toilets where people will collect water with broken bottles which they will then use to “flush”. Also forget about hand soap and a hand dryer, but that’s the least of your worries. In conclusion you should probably be paid for the privilege rather than the other way round.
8. State of busses.
Yes transport and bus rides are cheap and that’s great when you are on a budget. However not all that glitters is gold! Busses are mostly ancient and falling apart, they are not particularly clean and many of them don’t have enough leg room for a five-year old girl, not to mention seat belts. Also forget about air conditioning. It is also not uncommon to travel with beings from other species, especially chickens and chicks but also, and rather shockingly trussed up sheep. We did not experience this ourselves but we did see tied up sheep being loaded in the luggage area in a couple of bus stations. Also how could we not mention the bus stations themselves? Being organised is not exactly their strongest suit. There is literally no way of knowing when the next bus to your destination will leave or which company is providing the service (chosing the right company could save you from a hellish journey!). All you can do is rely on people around the station shouting the name of your destination and pray that you won’t sat next to a goat for six hours!
9. Loud unbearable music.
Talking of busses takes us nicely to the next topic. I know we mentioned similar problem with noise pollution in our Peru post but Bolivia manages to take this to a whole new level, especially on public transport. We have already talked about they joys of listening to mad Bolivian radios during our Uyuni trip but busses deserve a special mention too. Hours and hours of classic rock hits sung in spanish alternated with traditional folk music and mindless latino disco at volumes above human tolerance have the potential to either drive you crazy, make your trip unbearable or give you a massive headache, or all of the above at once. Restaurants and public places seem to appreciate the noise too. What’s wrong with a bit of peace and quiet? At least bring the volume down please!
10. Bolivian belly.
No further explanation needed!
I love this! It’s hilarious! A great post with some brilliant advice!
Thanks, glad that you liked it! Are you planning a trip to Bolivia by any chance?