Sure, you are going to go to some amazing places and come back with some mind-blowing pictures, however it’s the little things in life that are important, right? Here are some truths about the 3 day classic Salar de Uyuni salt flats tour.

Uyuni – flat dusty desert town.

Uyuni – quite desolate, only useful to pick up the tour.

• Uyuni is a desolate lonely place in the desert. OK, this is already in the public realm, but it is worth repeating! Limit your stay to 1 or 2 nights.

• Do try to do your research about agencies. Use Trip Advisor and ask other travellers who have been recently. Even having done the tour with a company that had great reviews, we still experienced issues.

Yes, you are going to be bloody freezing! Take my lead and dress like the Michelin Man.

• You are going to be hot, then cold, then hot, then cold, then mostly freezing your arse off, especially if it is windy. Pack sensibly in a small rucksack where you can easily reach everything – Layers layers layers! Remember that you are also going to get dusty and dirty, make sure you know where the laundrette is wherever you are stopping next.

• It’s a good idea to rent a sleeping bag from your tour operator, but don’t expect it to have been washed this year.

One man and his car. This was actually the driver of another tour, who stopped to help us.

Getting slightly worried…

Being towed along by seat belts!

We tried to push the car to jump start the battery.

• Be prepared for your vehicle to be old, uncomfortable, stuffed with you, other tourists and all your bags…oh yes, and it will probably break down. Ours did, several times, and we ended up being pulled by the other car in our group using 2 seat belts tied together.

• Make sure you rotate seats with other passengers. It’s not fair for someone to be squished in the back for 3 days and for someone else to luxuriate in the front seat.

• Ask the agency to ensure that you ride in the car with the guide. We were a group of 3 cars and 2 drivers. Guess which car we ended up in? Yep, you are right, the one without a guide and only a Spanish-speaking driver. We were considerably irked that we had paid the same but we’re getting a lesser service. The guide does do group talks but you miss out on the in between casual info.

Remember to play nice!

• All that wonderful scenery, and open space must be peaceful and liberating I hear you say?! Well, it all depends on your drivers’ choice of music. Ours had a penchant for Bolivian party music with a demented DJ/MC shouting over it. We managed to get it changed, but you will have to accept constant noise pollution as it helps the drivers stay alert. Remember that you are also likely to be stuck in a car for 3 days with people you don’t know and most probably won’t like! Make an effort not to be a pain in the ass! We were very lucky with out bunch of 4 young frenchies, we couldn’t have asked for better travel buddies.

4am in the desert is just not fun.

• Be prepared for early starts. On day 1 you set off some point after 10am, how lovely you think to yourself, this won’t be so bad after all. Think again! On day two we were breakfasting at 06.30 for a departure time of 07.00. On day three we had to drag our sorry selves out of bed at 04.30 to leave at 05.00. And yes, it’s bloody freezing in the desert, in the accommodation and in the car at night!

Our 5* accommodation at Laguna Colorada.

A room with a view…or not. Accommodation at Laguna Colorada.

• Accommodation – Our first night, in hindsight was actually quite decent, although at the time we were not greatly impressed. We did have a private room and bathroom, but the shower didn’t work. The place was not heated but maintained the warmth quite well. This accommodation varies as each operator has its own places or contacts. The second night is spent at Laguna Colorada and this place is a shared hostel. No sugar-coating here, it is a dump. If you have OCD or any respect for your own personal hygiene, you are not going to like it. There are only dorms here so you share with your car buddies. The showers are not even open because they are frozen. There were 3 dodgy toilets for about 30 people. It’s bloody freezing. Our beds were not really beds, just mattresses on raised stones. The sheets were dirty. Some beds didn’t have a sheet beneath the blankets (also unwashed).

Group lunch – generous and tasty.

Can someone pass the salt?

We were very impressed when they brought the lemon meringue pie out.

• Food – the food on our tour was really good although the breakfasts were lacking in anything other than bread. Enquire with the agency about what you are getting, and stock up on the snacks and water if it is not provided.

Trying to find cover for a wee almost means getting lost in the desert!

• Bathrooms – if there is a bathroom at a stop, use it, you might not see one for a while! Unfortunately, you are going to get overcharged like there is no tomorrow. Slip in a few Al Fresco wees too, keep the costs down! A good tip is to go behind the stationary cars, the windows are all dusted up so no one will see you and it beats wandering off into the desert looking for cover- everything is much further away than it seems! Oh, and if you can’t accept drip drying, don’t leave your toilet paper everywhere, it really does ruin the natural beauty.

Epic fail!

Not as easy to get right as you might think!

• Those cheesy perspective pictures on the salt flats are actually really hard to get right. Your guide should be able to help but here are some tips:

1. Your iPhone is better than your fancy camera.
2. Put the camera part of the iPhone closest to the ground.
3. You don’t need to go very far from the camera to get the shot.
4. Use an object that is more than 20cm tall, smaller ones don’t work as well. We liked the dinosaur the best.

• The last day is a 7 hour drive back to Uyuni. We can’t tell you how hellish this was as we crossed over to Chile at San Pedro de Atacama at approximately 9am. You might want to consider this option too!

So there you go, hopefully some useful truths. Don’t let them scare you off, it’s going to be amazing, but there is no harm in being prepared!